altruistic1

I have been going through a very rough period of time in my life for about the past year.  I have always been poor, had bad relationships and seem to allow myself to be taken advantage of on every turn.  I do not like to think about the past because I cannot change what has happened, but I do have to look back now and then because we have to learn from our mistakes, right?  I am an honest person to a fault, I look at all of the things that have happened and I have no one else to blame but myself.

I grew up in a very rural area, an only child, my mother divorced my biological father when I was a baby, remarried when I was 4 yrs. old.  My mother was a foster child, and her foster parents owned farm land.  My foster grandparents lived in a house and my mothers foster sister who was crippled with multiple sclerosis lived in a mobile home about a hundred feet away from the house.  When my mother and stepfather were married they bought a mobile and put it on the other side of the mobile that my foster aunt lived in.  So, I was brought up with 6 adults and no other children.  I learned how to do many things young, I had chores earlier than 5 yrs. old.  I am not complaining I really enjoyed my childhood.  I learned responsibility. 

Although, there was land, homes and both my mom and step-dad worked there was no “money” that I knew of,  my grandmother had a wonderful garden, she cooked and canned food, my grandfather had cows that he milked and sold the milk, not in large scale though only 10 cows or so.  My mother was going to school to become a nurse and worked at a hospital, until the doctors told her that she had to change professions because she had horrible varicose veins and standing as much as a nurse does was not in the books for my mother.  My step-dad worked at a knife factory, so that is where my mom ended up working too. 

As I got older my teenage years were rough because we lived over 20 miles from the school I attended and was never able to stay after school for extra curricular activities because there was usually no way home.  I started to resent my step-dad because he seemed to be in my way, my mother would tell me I could do something and then he would tell me I couldn’t.  I viewed him as my enemy I guess,  teenagers have to have someone to blame. 

In this resentment I met an older boy and decided to get married at 16 yrs. old.  He was 5 years my senior and I had all kinds of ideas in my head about how my life was going to be.  We lived in an apartment in the town that was about 25 miles from my home.  He had grown up in town, I had met him when I was a volunteer at the hospital.

We then moved to New York where his uncle was living, for a chance to get a good paying job.  Then my life changed and would never be the same again.  Hundreds of miles away from friends and family, I was a minor so he was now my legal guardian.  This didn’t make a difference to me because I now was able to be an adult, do and go where I pleased.  We moved into a studio apartment in a nice suburb, gained employment and started to make goals for ourselves.  The whole dream of most young girls, have someone to love you, make a living and start a family.  The only thing that went wrong was that he had a temper issue and I was his release.  He beat me for the 4 years we were married.  I always blamed myself for this because I believed that if I wasn’t so naive and did things the way he wanted them done, he wouldn’t hit me.  I could not bring myself to tell my mother, she was so far away.  I had no friends, no one to turn to, so I would say I was sorry and tell myself it wouldn’t happen again. 

I had to cover up bruises when I went to work, so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions.  I had black and blue ears, black and blue shins, busted lips, requiring stitches, and once even had to have stitches in my forehead from getting hit with a phone, a plastic surgeon ended up doing the sutures.  Left him a few times only to be found and talked into going back, especially since I was so far away from family. 

In between all of the fighting we were still trying to better ourselves.  We had purchased a house that was split down the middle and we rented out one side and lived in the other, had purchased all new furniture and appliances for both sides.  We both had brand new vehicles.  Bank accounts, stocks, savings and in the process of purchasing a second house for a rental. 

I had my son the 3 yr. after we were married and when he turned six months old, I left for a battered womens shelter.  The only things that I took along with me were my babies belongings and a few of mine.  I had a call from him that day while he was at work and he threatened me then and I knew that when he got home I was in for it.  I called a shelter and they said to take a taxi and come to the address they gave me. 

I arrived at the shelter and was scared to death, I had a six month old baby and not sure what was going to happen to us.  I was shocked to see all of the women and children at this facility and while I was there all of the stories I heard were unreal, one lady was shot in the head, lucky to be alive.  I remember thinking how bad my life was until I heard all of these other stories. 

I am very grateful for being able to stay at a place where I felt safe and glad to have made the decision to leave because I could have become a statistic. 

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