altruistic1

When I was a little girl in Pennsylvania, I grew up with a lot of animals, and being an only child they were my friends.  I used to go to the barn when they were milking the cows, what a mistake, I ended up having to hold the tails so the person milking the cow would not get swatted in the face with the tail (sometimes covered in pee or crap or both).   Other times I would get to feed the calves from a bucket with a nipple, that was my favorite thing to do.  Playing in the hay was always something to do, when I was older I learned how to jump from the rafters of the barn down into the hay.  There were also barn cats that would sit there while the cows were being milked waiting for some of the milk to come their way.  The barn cats were a little wild and you had to move slow and earn their trust to get close enough to actually touch them.  My grandfather also had a cattle dog and a coon-hound.  The cattle dog was with him constantly and the coon-hound stayed in the house with my grandmother, he was lazy.  My grandmother had several cats, one was a short haired calico that I used to dress up in doll clothes and push in a buggy. 

My aunt had multiple sclerosis and her daughter lived with her in the second dwelling on the property.  My aunt and cousin bought ducks and chickens and rabbits for me and taught me how to take care of them.  I named all of the ducks “Henry” and could say the name and they would all come.  My cousin decided to buy a St. Bernard puppy, who was my buddy, when he was outside he was kept in an area that was fenced off  and held my assortment of animals, ducks,chickens and rabbits, they all had special houses that were built for them by my uncle.  The well was also in the fenced off area and electric wires hung above on poles.  One day as I was out feeding and taking care of the menagerie and the St. Bernard puppy (6 mos. old) was walking next to me and he bit the electric line that had been blown or knocked down somehow, where he grabbed it, it was bare and he was being electrocuted  right next to me, I screamed and screamed until someone heard and shut the power off.  He did not die but did take a while to recover and never was quite the same. 

At my house my mom had a beagle, and my step-dad had a couple of beagles that lived in the back yard.  When I was about five years old, I wanted a hamster so my real dad bought one for me along with all of the accessories.  I kept him in my bedroom and took him everywhere with me, I had a jacket that had a zippered pocket and that is where he would ride when it was snowing and cold.  I would even take him to school.  I taught him tricks and he would sit on the kitchen table and eat breakfast with me, he had his own coco and toast.   He was good for many laughs, drove my step-dad nuts, he would get out of his cage and I was afraid that he would somehow get out of the house never to be found, and one time he was found in a case of beer that my mom kept in a cupboard in the kitchen.  That hamster was amazing and was broken hearted when he passed away. 

I loved all of those animals and am glad that they were part of my life because I sure learned many lessons because of them.

I was watching the “Today Show” this morning and they were showing how cigarette smoking affects your lungs and told examples of carbon monoxide in you after you smoke a cigarette.  Usually if something comes on television that I want to hear the girls will come out of the woodwork and demand something at that moment, and I try to get them to wait but that doesn’t help with what I wanted to hear because by that time the information is over with.  So when the piece about smoking was on I did not pay exclusive attention to it, but since I smoke and since I am not getting any younger, it hit home.

I think that smoking is a bad habit in one respect but it seems like people have to have some kind of vise, food, pills, drugs, alcohol,etc.,  I feel that things could have been worse.  I started smoking a long time ago to be ”cool” like my friends.  For a long time I could have stopped smoking and never even thought twice about it, but when my kids were small, I used the cigarettes to vent.  My last four children were like stair steps, so they were a handful.  I can remember saying to myself that the day that I noticed any ill effects that I would put them down. 

So much for that, but I have always tried to pay attention to how much I smoke and have never smoked over a pack a day.   I just have to convince myself that I can do without them, having the girls, I still use the cigarettes to vent.  I am not a pill taker because I am allergic to so much and am not able to chew gum.  I am just going to have to bite the bullet because I plan to be around a lot longer and I will not let them get the best of me, that is what I am going to have to keep telling myself. 

When I get the urge to smoke I will pull out a notebook and write all of the reasons why I do not want to continue to smoke, I have plenty of them and I will just keep writing them over and over.  Just like when I was in school, we had a teacher that would make you write a fist full of pages front and back if you interrupted his class, or anything else you may get in trouble for.

I do not wish this task on anyone, if you never have smoked do not start and then you will not have to figure out how to quit!! 

I spend my days taking care of the girls and cleaning, never ending jobs.  When I get a chance I sit down and get on the Internet.  I like to keep up with current affairs, search genealogy, chat once in awhile, read my email, and search for work.  I would love to find a legitimate way to make money from home without having to spend money.  I cannot afford to pay anything right now.  I do not expect to become a millionaire, I just would like to pay my bills and put food on the table, of course now that the country is in such a state right now more work at home offers will flood the Internet. 

I have tried several times and have even paid for information and kits, and unfortunately they are not for me.  I am sure that someone else could pick up the ball and run with them, but since I have limitations, they just are not for me.  I would not mind working for someone else and have even applied for these positions only to find out that they were probably scams. 

I am so sick of all of the spam mails that come from other countries trying to get you to give them your information by saying they have a job for you and all you have to do is get the money and send it elsewhere, or that you are a beneficiary, etc. etc..  I certainly hope that they do not convince anyone to send them their information.

I know I am asking a lot, I would just love to feel more productive, I am a very hard working, loyal, person who actually cares about what I do. I am just venting, I have been searching for a way to work from home ever since my children were little, I will continue and find something that fits my bill. 

I actually had a stay at home job when my oldest was little, I worked for a non-profit organization, I was bonded and made calls for the collections of item that could be resold for the Vietnam veterans.  That was a long time ago though.  My problem is that I enjoy doing to many different things to be honest. 

I worked for a call center in collections, that was not me, but I was there for two years.  I am a people person and I guess you could say I have the gift of gab.  I will continue to search out these opportunities that seem to be alluding me and will find my niche one day.  Meanwhile, just being with the girls everyday and watching them grow and learn is my job.  Too bad there is no pay for raising your own.

Since my son and daughter-in-law were having issues the other day, they had called and ask if I would watch the kids, so they dropped them off.  The girls were excited and loved every minute of the time their cousins were here.  It’s funny because they see them quite often, being kids it does not take much to excite them though. 

From the time the door opened to let them in until late that night the excitement was in the air.  Three toddlers, one 2yr. old and two 3 yr. olds and one 4 mos. old baby.  Surprisingly, the baby was even excited because she is at the age where she wants to see whatever is going on around her.  She loved watching the rest of them run and play and when it came to screaming she joined in.  It is a wonder that I did not get a big fat headache, or that the neighbors did not call the police to say that I must be abusing children inside my house, the screaming was loud.  I would try and persuade them that they could play without having to scream, but they felt otherwise.  They should have been so tired that they couldn’t keep their eyes open but like I have said before they are the energizer bunnies.  I put them to bed about ten times that night and finally they went to sleep but at different intervals.  The baby was great she went to sleep and slept the whole night. 

The next morning the energy came back and they were off and running again, inside and then outside, all day long.  I was afraid that they would want to take a nap because they were still tired from the day before, and I was right.  Again in different intervals they all fell asleep.  Peace and quiet for now but am I going to be sorry when they want to stay up all night? 

A reprieve came when my son called and said that they were missing the little ones and that they were on their way to pick them up.  My grandson was so tired he did not even care that they were here.  My son had to carry him out.  The girls usually wake up when someone comes in the house because the dogs bark, but not that day.  They slept for a while and I woke them up, fed them their supper and gave them a bath, hoping that this would help them get to sleep at a decent hour.  They managed to last a little later than I wanted but finally gave in.

The next day and they are back on track again, up in the morning no nap and to bed at a decent hour.  Now if they would just stay asleep it would be great but for some reason they keep waking up.  I hope that they will get a good-nights sleep and they can enjoy themselves tomorrow. 

I cant believe how fast time goes, is it that I am getting older or is it just the fact that I am busy.  There is not a moment of the day that I am not busy.  If I am not cleaning, cooking, washing, playing, I must be sleeping. 

Writing this  blog is something that I enjoy doing, it really is not time consuming unless I try to write when the girls are awake.  I hope that those that do read this at least are able to get a chuckle at my daily trials.  I know that there is no such thing as normal and I will not pretend that our lives are normal.  I do not wish for the things that we do not have, I am a happy person by design and all of the life experiences I have been through only make me a better person.  Even if the experience was brought on by me, the only thing that these experiences have not given me is the definitive path to bring myself out of a life long rut. 

I know that you may read this and think that I am crazy, or dumb for being amused at myself and my circumstances.  I will never give up on myself or my children and will always keep trying to better myself and to be the best mother and grandmother that I can be.  I do not have many things under my belt when it comes to anything else but raising children.  It is funny because I was an only child and raised with all adults, so having five children really taught me a lesson or two.  I believe that life is only what you make it. 

I can still smile and have a great day even if I do not have a penny in my pocket and do not know where the next meal is coming from.  I keep faith and know that I will get over this hump just like I have in the past and I know there will be more road blocks waiting.  Maybe you think that I am uneducated or just lazy, but I do have a degree and I did graduate with honors.  

The only thing that is against me at this point is time.

Today started off pretty good, the girls slept in a little and so did I.  They were both up off and on last night for some reason, so we started on another day a little late.  I hoped that they would play hard and not want to take a nap, so they would go to bed early and get up early.  It makes life much easier if you are able to get the kids into a routine. 

The weather was nice outside and the girls were playing and I received a call from my second son, he wanted to know if I could watch his kids.  I have never refused to keep any of my grandchildren, so I said yes.  He brought them over not long after the call as they live less than 3 miles away.  I did not know that my son and his wife were in the middle of one of their frequent disagreements.  I have no clue as to what their problem was this time.  I am not a meddling parent and stay out of their business until they involve me.  I am sad because they are so young and parents of two beautiful babies.  I can only support them and watch over the children until they can resolve their issue this time. 

The kids don’t seem to mind they have been having a good time playing together and two days in a row has been rare.  The baby is almost 5 months old and she loves watching the kids play and squeals when she gets excited.  They went to bed much better tonight and I even was able to put the baby down early.  All I can do now is cross my fingers that they remain asleep until 7 am.  and we can start over again. 

The sleep over was a blast for the kids, not so good for grandma.  They were all tired but they were wound up at the same time.  My grandson used to be at my house more often than he has been as of late.  They played outside up until it was dark outside, fresh air makes sleepy kids usually.  I made supper early, gave them a bath, and that only added to the excitement.  When I finally convinced them to get out of the tub and got them ready for bed they were as energized as if they had just stepped out of bed in the morning.  I tucked them in turned out the light about ten times, the youngest went to sleep first, then the other two were still playing and turning the lights on, so I kept turning them off and telling them that tomorrow was another day.  Next my grandson went to sleep and that left one to go.  She came out of the room and wanted to color, so I let her stay in my room and color for a little so she would not throw a fit and wake the other two.  I finally tucked her in for the last time. 

They woke up in a good mood, thank goodness.  We dressed and headed for the kitchen.  I cleaned up when they were finished eating and they headed outside to play.  We had a fairly good day and not too many altercations over toys.  We took a walk early in the afternoon and late afternoon my daughter-in-law came and picked up my grandson.  By this time they were all tired out and upset because they did not want their cousin to leave.  We walked them to the car and when we came back into the house the crying started again because they were tired out.

I hurried up and fixed a quick supper because I figured if they went to sleep that they would be out for the night.  They acted as though they were not going to be able to keep their eyes open until the food was cooking.  They ate and to my surprise managed to stay up until about 9:30 pm.  I swear they are the energizer bunnies. 

We will see what tomorrow brings every day turns out to be an adventure.   

My son called this afternoon and wanted me to watch his two kids while they went to the store.  Of course I said yes, I’m their grandmother.  My grandson is 3 yrs. old, just a couple months younger than his cousin, they are like best friends because they have grown up together and love to play and fight.  The girls love the baby, she is four months old, they are fascinated with giving her the bottle, just like a baby doll.  They do not like when she cries though they try to tell her to be quiet everything is alright.

It rained off and on today but it was nothing to speak of just enough to make it damp outside and then it would stop for awhile and then start up again.  The kids decided to play outside and that means I am in for cleaning up muddy dirt messes.  When all three of them get together they love to play in the dirt and rocks, put dirt and rocks in pockets, shoes, shirts, hair anywhere they can think of.  It usually ends up all over my living-room floor.  I end up having to clean it out of my bathtub too since that is where they end up.  Some of the rocks are too large for them to play with but they do and always end up getting hurt, only one casualty today, a finger was scraped.  You would think that after dropping them on their feet and getting hurt numerous times that they would leave them alone, not to mention that I warn them that they are going to get hurt if they do not leave them alone.  I made them come in the house because it is hard when I have the baby, I am afraid that it will be more than a finger getting hurt.

The kids have not been able to play together as much as they used to so when they get together they really get wound up, bouncing off the wall type.  After they came in, they ran back and forth in the living-room, jumped on the couch, jumped on my bed and dumped toys everywhere. 

I fixed them supper and they could hardly sit still enough to eat, but at least that would allow them to go to sleep early.  My son and his wife came back and stayed for a few minutes, my grandson did not want to go home so I said that he could spend the night since they were having so much fun. 

I thought that since they were outside and did not have a nap that I would be able to get them to sleep shortly after their bath.  I was so wrong, they managed to stay up much longer than I could believe.  Tomorrow is going to be a grouchy day since they stayed up late.  I imagine that they will end up taking an early nap tomorrow. 

I end up with a headache from their screaming, the baby and 3 toddlers all at one time.  I think my grandsons pitch is higher than either one of the girls but they love to scream together and you would swear that your eardrums are going to break.

Now that they are all tucked in and sound asleep, I will have to try and get rested because my luck they will get up earlier than I anticipate and off to the races again. 

I start every morning with a cup of coffee, I do not think I could function without one.  I like my coffee with sugar and creamer.  Not just any but as of lately I use coffeemate coconut creamer and my usual 3 teaspoons of sugar.  I am out of work now so being able to have my coffee and creamer is special.  I only buy the coffee when it is on sale and the creamer only if I can afford it because it usually does not go on sale.

I drink coffee and not much of anything else if I ever needed a blood transfusion they could use coffee instead of blood.(lol)  The coffee does not keep me awake or does not make me thirsty or any other ill effects that I know about.  My last check up was good and so was my blood-work.  Of course I did not discuss my coffee drinking with the doctor.  I do not drink anything else and I am sure I would have gotten a lecture on the fact that I need to drink water and cut back on my coffee consumption.  I am not on any medication and I get up every day and I probably have more stamina than most, the girls are busy and have had many nights where they did not go to sleep until 3 am and I was back up at 7 am to babysit and start the day over again.  So, as far as I am concerned the coffee has no ill effects on me.

When I was a little girl before I started school, my foster grandmother and my foster aunt used to take a break from housework and have a cup of coffee together as they watched soap operas.  My mother was working and so I was in their care.  I insisted on having coffee too so they would only put a drop of coffee in a cup of milk and put a little sugar in it, I guess that is where I learned my habit as well as the way I like my coffee fixed.  I never fixed my kids coffee when they were little but they always were trying to drink it.  Today as adults only one of them drink coffee on a regular basis and another drinks it occasionally and the other three do not drink it at all. 

Drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes are my vices, I am working on telling myself it is time to quit smoking but since I have smoked forever it is a hard habit to break.  I have managed to cut back, since I do not have an income.  I am really tired of this habit though, I can remember telling myself a long time ago that I was never going to let it get to the point of not being a habit that I couldn’t shake like it does to so many others, I was able to put them down at that time but any kind of aggravation sends me outside for a smoke.  I hope to be smoke free this year.  I really am going to bite the bullet and not use any of the medicines that help you because I am allergic to so many things, I do not want to try, I have nasty allergic reactions to many different things and have ended up in the emergency room too many times for my liking.  It is all in my head anyhow so I just have to be strong and quit.

As long as I have my coffee I will do fine. 

Just when I thought this year was going to be better than last year, up comes more problems.  I so wish I was a kid again and did not have to deal with nonsense.  I hope my attitude about everything has not been the factor that has put me where I am. 

Since I was brought up with all adults and no kids around, I was a small adult.  I had plenty of lessons on how to’s.  I had to do dishes by the age of five, I had to help with mowing, raking leaves, dusting, sweeping, helping my mothers foster sister who had multiple sclerosis.  I always had something to do, having 6 adults versus 1 kid you can bet someone had something in mind so I would stay busy.  There were 3 separate homes, allot of dusting and cleaning.  There was plenty of land to mow, gardens to weed, and flowerbeds to weed.  Animals to take care of and clean of course.

I am not complaining about my childhood or learning responsibility because I loved my childhood now.  I may not have thought so at the time but I loved it.  I am just a bit peeved at myself for letting things in my life get off track.  I have sucker written across my forehead and people love to take advantage of me.

I will sleep on these thoughts and see if I can come up with a better solution for myself.  I am tired of being in the rut I am in, so I am going to start digging deep.