Dec 20 2008
Decisions
Right now I have to make some serious decisions and probably should have made them a long time ago. I am staying at home taking care of two children and am not employed, was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and have never been able to have a savings of any kind. It seems that whenever I was able to get ahead, inevitably something would come along and make sure to put me back in the hole.
With my daughter being away and only sending us money when she can, things have slipped between the cracks, and they are only getting worse as the economy is taking its toll on all. We do not lack any necessity as I have a wonderful family and they pitch in when they can. Money is an evil as far as I am concerned, the only thing that matters to me and always has is my children and their needs. I have always given them everything they need, they have never gone hungry, have plenty of clothes, toys, and the most important thing of all, someone there all the time telling them how much they love them. They are my responsibility as their mother to take care of them, and now I have that responsibility of these two little girls.
I am getting guardianship of the girls, and as a grandparent I am not the first or the last to be in this position. I love my daughter and she agrees that this is best for the girls, I have had them with me since they were born, their mom lived with me, but I have been their caretaker. Where I run into trouble is my beliefs, I was brought up believing your children need you as a mother full time not part time, so many things they learn and need to learn come from being around their mother, we have that bond for a reason. I never left any of my children with a babysitter or daycare, I took care of them 24/7. If I had to go get groceries they all went, if one had a doctors appointment they all went, they learned to behave by doing this. Childrens minds are like sponges and they pick up more than you realize. I wanted to raise my children with my beliefs and my way of doing things, no I am not the best mother by any means, nor are my kids perfect, but they are my kids. What does not make sense to me is why a mother should have to go to work when most of the time is only making enough to pay the babysitter, and their is no other person that is more important to that child. Everyone has different ways and beliefs that you have no way of knowing, until your child has already picked them up from being at the daycare or babysitter.
I believe since women have been forced to go to work to help the husband make ends meet,(now I am showing my age) the children are the ones who have suffered. Today it is much different and many mothers are single parents, so there is no other option. I believe there should be a better support system set up to help those raising children. I hate hearing people say, you have all of that time free and what in the world do you do all day. Raising a child and taking care of the home you live in is a full time job, your work is never done and if you are able to sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time you are lucky, don’t think about going to bed early either because as you lift that last foot off of the floor, a cry erupts and there you go again, I don’t care if they are a baby or not, toddlers, 5 yr. olds, 10 yr. olds, etc. always have something happening.
I was hoping that writing this was going to help me with my decision but still has left me believing that somehow I need to stay here with them and not go to work. I would work at home on the computer but have yet found a job or business that I can afford or am able to commit the time to in learning.
I need to say that the girls father has no contact with them and has not paid a dime since they were born. Their mother, my oldest daughter has some issues and in her own way by paying for everything is the best she can do at this point in time. She would be in a terrible state if I were not willing to take care of the girls.
