altruistic1

I was very surprised when Christmas day came,  I was totally expecting it to be a very sad day for the girls and I.  Until my youngest son called on Christmas morning and told me to get the girls and myself ready to go to his house.  Since we do not have transportation he said that he would be over to pick us up.  Talk about last minute!  So, we ended up having a very nice Christmas!!

I did not have all of my children together, but I at least was able to spend the day with two of them under the same roof.  The girls enjoyed the chance to play with their cousin.  He is 3 yrs. old.  They opened presents and played with their new toys.  When they were bored with the toys, they went and played with the dogs or their cousin, or both.  They also enjoyed the back yard, as they have alot of wildlife that comes to eat.  We seen many different types of birds, chipmunks, and a rabbit. 

I was blessed in many ways this holiday and will always be grateful for my youngest son coming through.  I had not planned on going to my sons because I was holding out for hope that some of the others were going to be able to make it.  The girls never knew it was anything but a wonderful Christmas day!!  After we returned home that evening they received a surprise and their mother came home, she had been away for a little while. 

Now that Christmas has past, I am looking forward to the New Year, I have many resolutions for myself and am determined to stick to them.  I need to remember that one of the most important elements is faith.

Well, the day is finally here, Christmas!!  This year not being so pleasant for me, looking forward to it to pass as quickly as other days seem to pass.  I am sure that it is going to drag though.  I could not have my wish this year, the thing that means the most to me, having my whole family together like every other year in the past.  Not this year, it is not going to happen. 

I could sit here and pout or feel sorry for myself, but I intend to carry out the day and make the best of it for these two little girls.  I will make sure that next year will be a year that they can start building memories on.  I in turn will reflect on the days when I was young and all of the Christmas eve get together and Christmas day surprises!!  I also have all of the memories from raising my children. 

I remember this one year when my two youngest were three and five years old.  It was our second year in Arizona, far away from my mother in Pennsylvania.  It was very hard to leave the family tradition of being together with her.  Since we were so far away, we video taped Christmas mornings so grandma could see the look on everyone’s face as they opened their gifts.  My mother always spoiled the kids with all kinds of gifts.  This particular year instead of sleeping until 6 am they were up at 5 am.  One of them woke up and in turn woke the rest, next thing I knew they were all on my bed waking me up.  No gifts were allowed to be opened until the video was ready. 

At the time I had been working alot of overtime and late nights, so when they woke me up I was not ready to get up.  I was out-numbered 5 to 1 and how could I refuse those adorable faces, and their pleads.  The paper flew and the camera rolled, everyone had more things to play with and the youngest ones had even received Santa squirt guns, from Santa of course.  We cleaned up the paper, placed batteries in toys and when everyone was happy and content, I curled up on the couch and fell asleep. 

What a mistake that was, falling asleep.  Someone had the bright idea of filling up the squirt guns.  They had used the faucet in the tub to fill them up,  and went about their business playing.  They were young and must not have played with the guns long, they had too many other things to play with or their older siblings may have said something about the water.  Exhausted, I lay on the couch and unfortunately, I am a sound sleeper, their playing did not wake me up. 

When I finally woke up, I headed down the hall towards the bathroom and looked down at the floor and seen water pouring out of the bathroom into the hall and from there into my bedroom.  One of the kids had left the tub faucet on and the plug was in.  I was so mad at myself for falling asleep,  what a mess, the bedroom was carpeted and I had stored books under my water-bed.  Thank goodness for steam cleaners,  I pulled mine out and started sucking up the water,  I do not remember how many times I had to dump the tank but I never had such a mess in my life. 

I have no idea to this day which child was guilty for turning the faucet on to fill the squirt gun, but from that day on, no one ever left a faucet on again.  It took days to completely get the carpet dry, there were clothes on the floor, I had to lift my water-bed mattress up and check the books.  It turned out the water was not able to get underneath the bed-frame, so I lucked out.  At least I thought I had I only checked one area and not the rest the mattress was hard to lift and then the board had to be lifted, so when I finally emptied the mattress, able to get to the books I found that many of them had been damp and molded.  I lost alot of my favorite books, quite a few old ones.

 That never happened again.  Thank goodness!!

I was so elated that my youngest son was a lucky winner the other night and glad that he had to hold on to the ticket for a couple of days.  It at least gave him a chance to think about how to allocate the money where it would help him the most.  He is working hard on starting his own business, so this was a great stepping stone.

He was so excited and had called everyone and then called me later that night and said that he was going to the store and wanted to know if I needed anything.  I am without transportation right now and haven’t been out for about 2 weeks.  I told him a few items that we were out of and he picked them up and brought them over along with a gift for each of the girls.

This was a great thing as our Christmas outlook has been less than any other year in the past.  I am sure we are not alone, this year everyone is feeling the pinch.  I am grateful that the girls are young enough that this year wont be remembered.   

Things looked up for my son, so this year wasn’t a total bust for him, on my end I am looking forward to starting a new year, this one was not a very productive year for me.

I have high hopes for this new year coming.  I am not looking for any handouts just a break, it seemed like everything that I tried to do this year was a bust.  The only thing that has kept me going is these two beautiful little girls and their enthusiasm for life,  every day they laugh and run and play. 

They wake up in the morning and greet me with a smile and a hug.  What a wonderful way to start any day, knowing that you are loved.  I have faith and determination that things will be better for the girls and I next year at this time. 

Today was filled with rumble from the family about my youngest sons good fortune.  He has always tried to fool the whole family with one sort of story or always pulling pranks of some kind.  

The first person my son called was his brother(my second oldest) and told him that he had just won a large amount on a scratcher ticket that he just purchased.  The older one called me and ask if I had heard, I had not, so he felt that it was another one of those pranks.  I agreed because I had not received a call from him.  Just as I hung up the phone, it rang again and this time it was my youngest son,  all excited and talking fast telling me that he had just won a large sum of money on a scratcher, I told him I did not believe him because he likes to joke all of the time.

He continued to explain about how he had purchased these tickets at the store and sat in the car with his girlfriend and scratched them off and he won.  He went on to say how he would see me later but wanted to call some of his friends and tell them. 

A little time passed and he called me and said that he was going to the store before coming over to see me and wanted to know if he could pick me up anything, I told him what I needed and we hung up. 

He shows up at my house with all of the items I had asked for and much more.  He loves his nieces so he came bearing gifts for them. 

He then reiterated his story and totally convinced me that he was not joking but telling the truth.  I hope his good fortune rubs off on the rest of us.  We all could use a step up!!

As we have a close knit family, the story spread quickly and I ended up having everyone call me to find out if it was the truth. 

Congratulations to all of those that can be that lucky.  Unfortunately, it does not happen for all of us, so we have to applaud those that are the lucky ones!!

Today was a typical day, we get up in the morning and I let the dogs outside and go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.  As the coffee is brewing, I fill the sippy cups with juice for the girls.  This morning the oldest wanted pancakes for breakfast, she ended up eating 3 pancakes and two bowls of peaches, the youngest is coming down with a little cold, so she did not eat much.

We ate and did our daily chores, feeding the animals, sweeping , any dishes, etc.  The girls help sometimes, but the majority of the time they set at the kitchen table and color.  I had to make a rule that the crayons are to stay at the kitchen table and if they get down with them that I will take them away.  The youngest writes on everything, with anything she gets her hands on.  I cannot even tell you how many magic erasers I have gone through.  I have bumpy walls and the crayon does not clean well from them, hence the rule.

All of that done, we sat down and watched a movie,  then it was time to get some lunch,  more of the same after lunch, playing and cleaning.

I was doing some paper work and my youngest son called and said that he had won a large sum of money from a scratchers ticket,  he is a jokester so I told him I did not believe him.  He went on and on and the excitement in his voice and his girlfriend in the background, I started to believe him.  But he has pulled some good ones before, he is very good at that.  He ended up coming to my house just to convince me.  I was able to look him and his girlfriend in the face and they were telling the truth.  I am excited for him, it is about time someone in my family gets a little bit of a break, the saying when it rains it pours is how it usually goes for my family, one thing right after the other.

Since I am not doing well financially and have no car, he is going to help us out.  I will not let him spend much helping me because he is trying to start his own business and has his own bills.  I made him promise that he will use it wisely, especially since the economy is the way it is right now.  I worry because he is so young, everything seems so appealing.  But he has a good head on his shoulders and is planning on putting the majority of it up and using some to start his business.

I am glad for him and at the same time glad that he wants to help me but I assured him that I do not want him to feel that he has to pay for anything for me.  He said if anyone deserves anything that it would be me.  He is such a sweetheart.  I really needed to hear some kind words, I have been feeling a little down. 

He works six days a week and the only day he is off, he likes to go do things with his friends and I do not get a chance to see him.  So when they take their time to come and see me, I enjoy their company.

So, I had a perfect ending to a day that started out the same as every other day.  Happiness can be contagious like yawning.  I sure feel more upbeat than I have for awhile.

Right now I have to make some serious decisions and probably should have made them a long time ago.  I am staying at home taking care of two children and am not employed, was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and have never been able to have a savings of any kind.  It seems that whenever I was able to get ahead, inevitably something would come along and make sure to put me back in the hole. 

With my daughter being away and only sending us money when she can, things have slipped between the cracks, and they are only getting worse as the economy is taking its toll on all.  We do not lack any necessity as I have a wonderful family and they pitch in when they can.  Money is an evil as far as I am concerned, the only thing that matters to me and always has is my children and their needs.  I have always given them everything they need, they have never gone hungry, have plenty of clothes, toys, and the most important thing of all, someone there all the time telling them how much they love them.   They are my responsibility as their mother to take care of them, and now I have that responsibility of these two little girls.

I am getting guardianship of the girls, and as a grandparent I am not the first or the last to be in this position.  I love my daughter and she agrees that this is best for the girls, I have had them with me since they were born,  their mom lived with me, but I have been their caretaker.  Where I run into trouble is my beliefs, I was brought up believing your children need you as a mother full time not part time,  so many things they learn and need to learn come from being around their mother, we have that bond for a reason.  I never left any of my children with a babysitter or daycare, I took care of them 24/7.  If I had to go get groceries they all went, if one had a doctors appointment they all went, they learned to behave by doing this.  Childrens minds are like sponges and they pick up more than you realize.  I wanted to raise my children with my beliefs and my way of doing things, no I am not the best mother by any means, nor are my kids perfect, but they are my kids.  What does not make sense to me is why a mother should have to go to work when most of the time is only making enough to pay the babysitter, and their is no other person that is more important to that child.  Everyone has different ways and beliefs that you have no way of knowing, until your child has already picked them up from being at the daycare or babysitter.   

I believe since women have been forced to go to work to help the husband make ends meet,(now I am showing my age) the children are the ones who have suffered.  Today it is much different and many mothers are single parents, so there is no other option.  I believe there should be a better support system set up to help those raising children.  I hate hearing people say, you have all of that time free and what in the world do you do all day.  Raising a child and taking care of the home you live in is a full time job, your work is never done and if you are able to sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time you are lucky,  don’t think about going to bed early either because as you lift that last foot off of the floor, a cry erupts and there you go again,  I don’t care if they are a baby or not, toddlers, 5 yr. olds, 10 yr. olds, etc. always have something happening.

I was hoping that writing this was going to help me with my decision but still has left me believing that somehow I need to stay here with them and not go to work.  I would work at home on the computer but have yet found a job or business that I can afford or am able to commit the time to in learning.

I need to say that the girls father has no contact with them and has not paid a dime since they were born.  Their mother, my oldest daughter has some issues and in her own way by paying for everything is the best she can do at this point in time.  She would be in a terrible state if I were not willing to take care of the girls.

Yesterday, the girls were bored and the plans I had made did not work out.  I had told them that we were going to run some errands,  what a big mistake.  They love to ride in the car, the minute you mention going somewhere they run to get their shoes, jackets or whatever they do not have on at the time.  I wasn’t able to go so they were a bit miffed at me. 

Instead, I figured out that I had better find something to do that would take their mind off of not going.  I knew it had to be something special.  Luckily I had printed out some paper doll cutouts of Dora the Explorer.  One of their favorites.  I had put them up when I printed them, I did not want them to ruin them before I had a chance to cut them out.  This seemed to be just the answer I needed.  As I was cutting them out  the youngest one had already ripped a piece of one of the characters off.  Thinking that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, not even finished cutting before they start ruining them.

I finished cutting them out anyhow.  I decided to find a piece of cardboard and did not have to look far, they had been playing with an empty box and it was the perfect thickness.  So I went and brought the glue over to where we were sitting and glued the dolls to the cardboard and was even able to fix the torn appendage. 

They were happy with their new toys and went off to play, hurray!!  A little arguing about who gets who but after reminding them to share they were fine.

Now it is time to clean up the nice mess I had created.  I went about my chores.  Later that day I went to throw a piece of garbage in the kitchen can and found 3 of the dolls inside, no messy items so I pulled them back out.

They have been playing with them constantly and I am grateful I found the ones in the garbage can.  I know who put them there also, the youngest.  The ones that she threw away were her favorite ones, go figure.  She is always into and doing things to keep you on your toes.

I lucked out having those printed out already, it is hard to chose when the girls are standing there, they want everything.  Now all I have to do is hunt for another special project  to avoid the next disaster.

As Christmas gets closer the more I just want it to be over with this year.  My family is not able to spend it together so I have the Christmas blues.

My oldest son and his wife live in California and are not able to afford the trip to my house,  my second oldest son is having financial and marital problems, the girls mother is on the east coast,  and my youngest daughter lives in Las Vegas and not able to afford a trip here. 

This will be the first year that we will not be together as a family.  There were a few times in the past when the boys were stationed away from home but their families were here.  I am not into presents the only ones that I care about present for are the grandchildren.  I just look forward to seeing my family together.  Even though it may be just that one day, it is enough. 

Unfortunately, we all have expectations and although I think this sounds selfish it is the way I feel.  I know that times will get better and we will enjoy many more together as a family.  I won’t turn into a scrooge either because I have some of the family here and I can at least talk to the rest on the phone.  I guess I am just feeling a bit sad and sorry I can’t have things my way.

Happy Holidays.

Normally my days and nights are consumed with the girls and their needs.  For a little over a year now, I have been with them 24/7, their mother is out of town and  I just never leave them.  Tonight I received a pleasant surprise, my youngest son and his girlfriend came to visit and ended up inviting the girls to spend the night at their house. 

Surprisingly, the girls wanted to go and hurried me up to get their things together.  I had purchased two small backpacks to take when we go out about 6 months ago.  I would keep a change of clothes, diapers and there is even a place for their sippy cups.  Funny thing is that they love to carry them, I love it because they can tote all of their needs and no need for me to hall a diaper bag or some huge bag holding their things.  They wanted their pajamas and cups, I was not moving fast enough for them.  They even hurried their uncle when he was putting their car seats in the car. 

They love to ride in the car but, I thought they might fall asleep before they arrived at my sons house, about 15 minutes away.   If they fell asleep and happen to wake up and start crying or arrive and decide that they didn’t really want to stay, just take a ride.  

 I tried to think of what I might accomplish that was productive and that would be easy with no interruptions.  It was starting to get late so I just decided to go to bed.  I was tired, but I kept listening for the phone or a car to pull up in the driveway.

The girls were not here and the house was so quiet.  Since they are with me all of the time, I thought that having a break would be great.  Instead, I waited for the phone to ring and my son to say that they wanted to come home and that they were on their way.  When the phone didn’t ring,  I figured that I might as well take advantage of the freedom and do something that I usually wouldn’t have a chance to do that was productive.   Of course I didn’t and ended up going to bed. 

The next thing I knew was the doorbell was ringing.  I jumped out of bed and went to the door,  there they were home already!  I looked at the clock and it was 8 am.  Wow!  I had a good-nights rest. 

Excited to be home they quickly came in and started asking for the usual,  could they watch a DVD.  I knew they were still tired because they had played rough and long that evening and then stayed away from home for the first time.  My son said that they were really good for them, which I already knew since no desperate phone call.  I was glad because they do not get much of a chance to spend time with their uncle, my youngest son.   All of my children were public angels and home devils!  I would get comments on how well behaved they were at school and when they went to other peoples homes.   

I went to their room and put on the requested movie and they watched it for a few minutes before returning to where I was and wanting my attention.  Telling me about playing with the dogs at their uncles house and telling our dogs how much they missed them.  Before long the youngest,  the two year old, left the room and went to the kitchen and helped herself to something out of the refrigerator, pulled the chair to the counter and was ready to get on-top of the counter, when I walked in to see what she was up to.  She was up to her normal tricks despite being tired.  They played for awhile in my room and then went back in to watch more of the DVD.  I was trying to get some work done and did not hear the two year old return to the kitchen and get in the fridge and help herself to more food.  No problem she is an empty pit.  A little time went by and she went out in the back yard and picked up a mesquite bean and started munching on it.  I cannot believe what this little one will put in her mouth.

 Both of the girls were very grouchy the rest of the day and were being mean to each other,  having crying spells, and finally they fell asleep, mid afternoon.  I thought they would wake up and enjoy the rest of the day, instead the rest of the day was much the same as earlier.  Crying and grouchy, I made supper early and thought maybe I could get them to bed early.  I even gave them a nice warm bath and they played for awhile.  And they still managed to stay up until after 10 pm. 

I guess the good nights rest I had was preparing me for the day ahead.  I hope that tomorrow will be back to normal.